Keep Showing Up
In the three months since I've been heading out on Saturday mornings to bring breakfast to my un-housed friends in the neighborhood, I have never considered not showing up and instead just staying in bed. Until yesterday. It had been a tough week. A really tough week. And I hadn't slept well. I knew they would understand if I didn't show up, but then I thought about a few things. I thought about my friend Pat Schwiebert, who showed up every Wednesday night for 38 YEARS to feed neighbors at The Hard Times Supper and who continues to show up every single day in the hood even though she doesn't have a space to feed people right now. I thought about my un-housed friend, T, who recently said, "I show up at the park every week to see you. The food is great, but I show up to see your beautiful eyes and smile. I do love you." I thought about the fact that no matter how difficult my week was, it was nowhere near as difficult as the week they had living outside in the cold and the rain. So, I got up, lit a candle, put on some music, prepared the food, and snapped out of my funk. Sometimes we have to just DO what we need to do even if we don't feel like it, and wait for the good to come and our mood (or something) to shift.
First I ran into J, who wasn't with her usual crew but instead walking alone. She calls me "bad ass" and I LOVE that. No one has ever called me that before. I called to her and she said, "I was just talking to someone about bad assery!" and we both laughed. Next I drove to where my closest buds hang out. Someone close to my heart who I haven't seen in about 6 weeks was there. I was beyond excited to see him and my face lit up as I extended my arms and exclaimed, I am SO happy to see you!" He's shy. He put his head down but there was a sweet grin on his face. We hugged. I noticed that T wasn't there and asked where he was. "In the hospital", his little brother said.
I got the details and we called the hospital. The guys joked with him, told him they were bored without him. Sweet. I called my family and made sure they could survive without me for a bit so I could go to the hospital. I ran home and grabbed an extra stuffy that my son M was glad to pass on to T (T loves stuffies). I was relieved that T looked great for a sick guy. He really wasn't clear on what was going on though and of course the staff couldn't tell me. Fortunately the doc came in to examine him while I was there. I took notes so that I could share important info with the other BeaconPDX folks who look after the peeps on the streets. I knew there would be other people who could help. I put my name and number on the dry erase board in his room as a contact because his brother lives outside and doesn't have a phone.
He'll be ok. This time. But he won't be 100% well when he's discharged. He will go back and live outside in the middle of winter. He'll get sick again. Can you imagine being sick and not having a warm place to live? A cozy blanket, heat, a bed, a hot bath, soup, tea, Netflix, maybe a loved one caring for you or at least a friend or neighbor to stop by to see you? CAN YOU IMAGINE?
A few people who knew about yesterday said, "You're so nice." Yes, I am "nice", but this isn't about being nice. T is my FRIEND. Why wouldn't I show up for him just as I would show up for a housed friend or a family member who was sick? It isn't about being nice. It's about love and care and SHOWING UP AS BEST WE CAN, AS OFTEN AS WE CAN. Some days it's hard. I am grateful to my friends at BeaconPDX for modeling this for me and others, for my mother who taught me to always care for those less fortunate, for my family for understanding that this is my ministry and allowing me to step away from them to show up for others, for my son M who parted with one of his favorite stuffies, for my friends outside who call me "bad ass" and tell me how beautiful my eyes and smile are, and for the myriad of blessings I have been given that allow me to live in a warm house and a life surrounded by everyone and everything I need.
WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER. LET'S KEEP SHOWING UP.